Understanding Matrescence
WHAT IS MATRESCENCE?
Matrescence is the profound physical, psychological, hormonal, and emotional transformation a woman goes through when she becomes a mother.
The term was first coined by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s to describe this developmental process. Just like adolescence marks the transition from child to adult, matrescence marks the transition from woman to mother.
And just like adolescence, it's messy, disorienting, and completely normal.
Yet, most women have never heard of it. We're not prepared for the identity earthquake that comes with motherhood. We're told about birth plans and sleep training, but not about the woman who emerges on the other side, a women that is changed, raw and wondering, "Who am I now?"
Why Doesn't Anyone Talk About This?
Because somewhere along the way, we decided that motherhood should come naturally. That if you're struggling with the transformation, something is wrong with you.
But here's the truth: The struggle IS the transformation.
Matrescence involves loss and grief alongside love and joy. It includes ambivalence, rage, tenderness, and confusion all at once. Your brain is literally restructuring itself. Your identity is being rewritten. Your relationships are shifting. Your body has changed.
And society expects you to bounce back, keep smiling, and make it look effortless.
No wonder you feel overwhelmed.
What Happens During Matrescence?
Matrescence touches every part of you:
Your brain changes. Pregnancy and early motherhood reshape your brain structure, increasing empathy and heightening your ability to read your baby's needs. But this rewiring can also make you more vulnerable to anxiety and hypervigilance.
Your identity shifts. You're not just "adding" motherhood to who you are. You're integrating a completely new part of yourself while letting go of parts that no longer fit. This can feel like loss, even when you deeply love your child.
Your relationships transform. Your partnership changes. Friendships shift. Your relationship with your own mother may surface in unexpected ways. You're renegotiating who you are in relation to everyone around you.
Your body is different. Whether you gave birth or not, your body has been through something monumental. It may not look or feel the way it used to, and that's its own grief to process.
Your sense of time changes. The relentless rhythm of baby care can make you feel like you've lost yourself in the fog of endless days that blur together.
This is not "just adjusting." This is a transformation.
The Gap Between Fantasy and Reality
Before we become mothers, most of us hold a picture in our minds of what it will be like. We imagine joy, connection, fulfillment. And those things are there.
But so are exhaustion, doubt, resentment, loneliness, and grief.
When reality doesn't match the fantasy, we think we're failing. We think something is wrong with us. We think we're the only ones struggling.
But you're not failing. You are human.
The gap between fantasy and reality is where matrescence lives. And closing that gap doesn't mean pretending everything is fine. It means making space for all of it—the hard and the beautiful—without shame.
You Are Not Broken. You Are Becoming.
If you're feeling lost, overwhelmed, or like you don't recognise yourself anymore, that's not a sign that something is wrong.
It's a sign that you're in the middle of one of life's most profound transformations.
You deserve support. You deserve to be witnessed.
You deserve to know that what you're experiencing has a name, and that you're not alone.
This is matrescence. And you're right in the center of it.
The Matrescence Toolbox
Now that you understand what matrescence is, I have gathered resources to help you navigate it with more clarity, compassion, and support.
I put together a matrescence toolbox to give you language, validation and support in the journey to and through motherhood.
Ready to Navigate Your Matrescence With Support?
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You don't have to go through this alone.
If you're ready to make sense of the transformation, reconnect with yourself and find your footing again, I'm here to walk with you.